Why Confidence Is Overrated in Court

Waiting to feel confident before stepping into court is like waiting to get in shape BEFORE hitting the gym.

Cute idea, but that’s not how this works.

PLEASE, for the love of voir dire:

❌ STOP rehearsing defeat.

❌ STOP letting fear run your case.

❌ STOP pretending some “big name” lawyer is better for your case than you are.

🎧 Push past panic, polish your prep, and prove you’ve got what it takes — because you already do.

Your clients hired YOU.

Don’t you forget that.

🎧 Hit play now.

“You don’t need confidence to do something; you get confidence from doing something. Most people don’t understand that, which is why so many of you wait for confidence to show up. It never does; you stay scared, and you miss out on great things you’re completely capable of doing.”
Sari de la Motte

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

Hello, my loves. Sari de la Motte with you for another episode of From Hostage to Hero. Today we’re talking about a very juicy topic. The reason this came up is that we did a survey of what you’d like me to talk about, and the number-one item was how to read jurors’ minds. We have a webinar on that coming up, so head to sariswears.com/live if you want to register. Yes, I’m going to talk about it. It’s not what you expect, and you know my shtick, but I’ll dig into it.

The second thing you asked for was confidence, how to have more of it, and all the things. Today’s podcast is called “You Think You Need Confidence, but You Don’t.” I know you think I’m wrong, but by the end you’ll know I’m right.

Before we dive in, I’m popping open my laptop for a reader shout-out. This one is from TrialGuides.com by Arthur C.: “Five stars. Very short and to the point. What I really like about this book is its practicality and easy use.” Thank you, Arthur; I’m glad it’s practical and easy to use. If you haven’t left a review, please do. I want to get the podcast reviews up, my people. If you’re listening, give me a five-star rating, or whatever star you think, and just tap it. You don’t even have to write anything. Thank you in advance.

When it comes to confidence, many of you think you need it before doing something, but you don’t. You keep thinking, “I wish I had confidence in court. I wish I had confidence to do X, Y, Z.” It could be anything. “I wish I had confidence to talk to that beautiful woman,” or, “I wish I had confidence to take this to trial instead of settling.” You believe confidence is a prerequisite when, in truth, confidence is what appears after you act.

Let me say that again: you don’t need confidence to do something; you get confidence from doing something.

Most people don’t understand that, which is why so many of you wait for confidence to show up. It never does, you stay scared, and you miss out on great things you’re completely capable of doing. I want you to understand what you actually need and how that leads to real confidence in your life, your work, or anything else.

First, a quick review. You think you need confidence before you act, but in reality you gain it after you act. Here’s what you truly need beforehand.

The first thing is courage, which means doing something even when it is scary. People talk a lot about fearlessness in our work. Fearless means having no fear at all, and sometimes that’s possible. Maybe in certain areas of life you can say, “Forget it, I’m going forward and I’m fearless.” For most of us, though, that isn’t immediately accessible.

Courage is what matters. Kevin and I teach our daughter about this all the time. She tells us, “I’m scared.” When she learned to ride a bike in Finland last summer, she kept saying those words. If you’ve ever taught a kid to ride, you know it’s a mind game. It’s about confidence, not mechanics. Instead of telling her, “There’s nothing to be scared of,” we said, “Of course you’re scared, it’s new. You might fall. Courage is trying anyway.” We reminded her we would be there if she fell. She had a helmet, we took every precaution, but we couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t fall. Then we asked, “Do you have the courage to try?”

We also explained how the brain works. I told her, “Your brain is wired to keep you safe, so it says, ‘This is scary, don’t do it.’ You need to answer, ‘It might hurt, but it might not, and I’m willing to try.’” Once she adopted that mindset, she took off and learned to ride.

Likewise, you don’t need confidence to take a case to trial, stand in front of a jury, or approach someone attractive. You need courage. And how do you get courage? You decide to have it. People always ask how to get certain qualities, and my answer is often, “Decide.” Decide, “I’m going to do this.” That decision is courage. Then remind yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” She might reject you. You might lose the case. Yet you are more likely to lose if you don’t believe in yourself and never try.

The second thing you need is patience. Once you have the courage to try new things, you must be patient, because success rarely comes on the first attempt. At our cabin in Finland there’s a hill down to the water. After Elena learned to ride, I encouraged her to try the hill because it’s fun. She tried, fell spectacularly, and said, “Why did you make me do that? I’ll never ride again.” We explained again that courage doesn’t mean instant skill.

Many of you make the same mistake. You try something once and say, “Sari, I tried, and it didn’t work.” You haven’t tried enough times. You sample a CLE, an opening template, a voir dire method, and then you move on because it wasn’t perfect. That’s why we created Path to Mastery in the Crew. We focus on mastering a skill, not sampling it.

You need the courage to go to trial even when scared and the patience to keep practicing while you are still bad at it.

Trial lawyers are made, not born.

Sure, there are rare exceptions like Nick Rowley or Randi McGinn, who seemed great from the start, but for most of us greatness is built. Unfortunately, people buy into the idea that if they aren’t great right away or don’t feel confident at first, they should give up. The truth is that most of you are remarkably talented. I’ve seen incredible moments when trial attorneys drop their self-doubt and show courage and patience.

Our Trial Lab program invites three attorneys to spend a week with me, facing three mock juries. It changes people. You try something before the first jury, maybe it doesn’t land, and then we refine it all week. By Friday you say, “This is awesome.” That happens because you had patience.

The third thing you need is trust. While you’re making bold moves and practicing patience, trust that things will work out, trust the process, and trust yourself. You may not see results in this trial. So what? Your career is bigger than one trial. Everything you learn matters. Some say, “I shouldn’t practice on my clients.” Where else will you practice?

If trial lawyers are made, you will get better as your career progresses, as long as you remain courageous, patient, and trusting. Yes, clients later in your career will get a better version of you. That does not mean early clients shouldn’t have hired you. Every trial is an opportunity to practice your craft.

Saying, “Yo-Yo Ma shouldn’t perform until he is perfect” is ridiculous. He became Yo-Yo Ma because he kept playing. The Beatles were constantly performing and probably sounded rough at first.

This idea that you alone carry the biggest burden is self-righteous. You are important, and I love you, but that mindset is a saboteur. It tells you your work is too important to risk mistakes, so you should let someone “better” handle it.

If we follow that logic, only a handful of attorneys would ever try cases, and corporations would keep doing awful things.

We need every one of you. The sooner you stop saying, “I’m not confident enough,” and start embracing courage, patience, and trust, the sooner we’ll win more cases and serve clients better.

Handing a case to a big-name lawyer doesn’t truly serve your client or you. Each time you do that, you miss the chance to become a great trial lawyer yourself. You might secure one verdict for that client, but you close the door on the many future cases you could win by developing your own skills, all because you believe you need confidence first. You don’t.

Your client is better off with you. They chose you. You live in their city, you meet them face-to-face, you can tell their story. Don’t give that up. You’ll never become a “big-name lawyer” unless you handle cases yourself.

To sum up, you don’t need confidence. You need courage, patience, and trust. Some of you are thinking, “Sari, how do you know I can be great? Maybe I lack natural ability.”

Here’s my answer: if you love what you do, invest in your professional development, and approach every trial with an open heart and mind, you will become the best version of yourself. You’re good now; you just need to remove the training wheels.

Forget confidence for now. Confidence comes later. You see the greats today because they already put in the courage, patience, and trust. Rick Friedman used to throw up before trials early in his career. You’re looking at the after-effects now. You must do the same foundational work. Confidence is a by-product, not a prerequisite.

I love all of you, my children. Go, learn, and apply these lessons. Talk soon.