Sari Swears Podcast: Are You Using the Jury Inappropriately?

What if the issue isn’t your case… but HOW you’re thinking about the jury?

Most lawyers won’t say this out loud, but it’s happening.

You’re asking the jury to do MORE than their job.

Not just decide the case, but decide if you’re good enough.

If they rule in your favor → you feel validated.

If they don’t → you question everything.

That’s the trap.

Because the jury’s job is simple: hold bad actors accountable.

That’s it.

They are NOT there to:

🚫 Like you
🚫 Validate you
🚫 Prove you’re a good lawyer

And the moment you start needing that from them…

YOU stop serving them and start trying to get something from them.

They can feel that.

🙅🏽‍♀️ Stop asking, “What do they think of me?”

✅ Start asking, “How can I help them do their job?”

That’s where everything changes.

Tune in NOW! 🎧

Love,
Sari

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“You are giving them the job of making you feel good about yourself. That is not their job. So much of your self-worth is tied up in whether these six or eight or twelve people like you… and that is dangerous.”
sari de la motte

Transcription

Well, hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Sari Swears. I am so excited to talk about our topic today because I had one of my, okay, my brain just exploded moments with my mastermind clients on this very topic and I knew I had to podcast about it. But here's the basic gist of what we're going to be talking about today. Many of you are using the jury inappropriately. Now, before I tell you what I mean, let's define what a jury is for. And so I went and I looked it up, and this is what AI told me, so you know that it's correct.

No, it's not correct. But they said a jury is a group of citizens sworn to act as an impartial fact finder in legal proceedings, ensuring a fair trial by interpreting evidence and applying the law to reach a verdict. That is wrong in my humble opinion. Humble? Like I've ever had a humble anything in my life, much less an opinion. But here's how I'm going to define what a jury is for. A jury's job is to hold bad actors accountable. And the way that they do that is through money, at least in the civil justice system. Now, how they're supposed to do that is to be impartial, listen to the facts, and apply the law, the things that AI just said. But as you've heard me say before, good luck with getting an impartial jury. Those do not exist. But that's not bad news because y'all stand on the side of the right as I continue to remind you.

And because you stand on the side of the right, the jurors are for you and they just don't know it yet. Because everything, at least in the H2H method and what I believe about plaintiff cases, is that everything is principle based. And so 99% of people believe in plaintiff principles. And if you focus your case on those principles and not on defending the defenses, then you will have more success. But, I think we can all agree that it is a jury's job to determine, at least in civil trials, whether someone is responsible for hurting someone else. And if so, hold them accountable through money damages. Yes? We're going to agree on that. All right. So then why are y'all using them for all sorts of other reasons, none of which they are meant for nor equipped to do? You're like, "Wait, what are you talking about?"

Sorry. Here's what I mean. I have had the distinct privilege, and I mean this sincerely, of digging into what is getting in the way of my client's success. Meaning, why aren't you getting the verdicts that you want? Why are you so scared to go to trial? Why are you settling cases when you know that there's not all cases, but there's particular cases that you should have taken to trial? And so before I continue, let me just stop and for a moment and just give major props to where props are due. Does anyone say props anymore? That probably dates me big time. And say that this is hard work to look at this stuff. And I'm so proud and honored to walk this journey with my clients. So props to y'all doing the work. On a surface level, I think we can all agree, especially if you've listened to the podcast for a while, that the reason we settle cases that we should have taken to trial is due to fear.

We are scared. We're scared that the jury is out to get us. We're scared that the jury will believe the defendant's lies. We're scared that the jury will think that we are money hungry scum. And all of that is completely normal. First off, I don't want anyone thinking that, "Oh, I'm so stupid," or, "I'm so dumb for being afraid to go into trial or being afraid of the jurors." No, you're conditioned to feel those things. I mean, look at the jury selection process and how it is set up. It is a deselection process. And look at what we are celebrating on podcasts and CLE stages. Winning verdicts. So the fact that it is a deselection process already primes your brain for saying there are people here that are not for me, and that's frightening because there are people here that want to hurt me. And then you're going to these CLE's and you're reading these books about all this incredible success and that's how you get successful is by having the big verdicts.

Everything is set up to make you scared to go to trial. And the other side, by the way, knows that. They count on that. That's why they offer you money to settle because they know that you'll most likely take it because it's much easier to, it's much less scary to. And I don't want you to make yourself wrong. The system is rigged against you in many ways. So we're not going to make it wrong for you to feel these things. But where you do go wrong is when you start to use the jury inappropriately. Many of you use the jury to make yourself feel better, meaning if the jury finds for you, then you're a good lawyer. Life is great. All is well. But if the jury finds against you, then suddenly you suck and you should quit and you should have asked a better lawyer to try this case or referred it out.

And for those of you who don't go that far, then you torture yourself instead in the next case by overworking and over preparing and thinking you probably missed something last time. So you're going to stay up ungodly hours and do too much and drive your health into the fucking ground, worrying up a shit storm all because of the jury and what they decided, which may I remind you. What the jury decides is on them. That shit has nothing to do with you. That's on them. They bring in all of their preconceived ideas, their emotions, their defensive attribution, all of that. You cannot take control or responsibility for all the things they're already bringing into trial. You can only focus on yourself, but this is how y'all are using the jury inappropriately. You are giving them the job of making you feel good about yourself. Let me say that again. You have given them the job of making you feel good about yourself.

That is not their job. So much of your self-worth is tied up in whether these six or eight or 12 people like you. I mean, come on. I've had a client actually throw away a pair of shoes because one of our mock jurors, not even a real juror, said they didn't like them. I've had clients question their entire personality because they're worried that they somehow turn off every jury they come in contact with. I've had more clients than I can count tell me that they've contorted themselves into a pretzel to become some version of a lawyer that jurors will love and accept, only for it to amount to nothing. And let me tell you, this is not only ineffective, it is dangerous. I mean that. It is dangerous because when you give the jury this much power in a job that already chews you up and spits you out on the regular, you are setting yourself up for a huge crash.

If you're a longtime listener, you've probably heard me say practice makes progress and what better way to practice than with a fellow group of trial attorneys in person and with me. Our two-day command, the courtroom masterclass sessions put the H2H method into action and I'm there every step of the way with live coaching and feedback and finish mama fierceness. And don't just take my word for it. Here's what PI attorney Sean had to say about our two-day masterclass.

Sean:

My biggest takeaway is that I now have a new approach as to how I'm going to enter the courtroom. It's a new energy, a new spirit, and it really gets me excited because that's actually the more fun part of what we do. And I'm looking forward to taking advantage of everything that I learned here.

Now, seats are limited. These are small group, high impact courtroom sessions, not an auditorium full of board attorneys and dull lectures. If you want to change the way you go to trial and turn your practice into progress, visit sariswears.com/masterclass to register for a 2026 class today. That's sariswears.com/masterclass.

Here's the truth. Even if you could do or say or be everything that you think the jury wants and needs, using them in this way is inappropriate, period. It is not their job to make you feel better about yourself. It is not their job to get you on a podcast or on a CLE stage. It is not their job to make you feel worthy or confident or at ease. You know whose job that is? Yours. It's your job. Jesus fucking Christ. I have to say this. How can you expect a jury to like you when you don't even like yourself?

If I hadn't said it enough, let me say it again. It is your job to have your own back, to think that you are great, to pull yourself up. Not because you're arrogant, but because this is how it works. You decide who you are and then you get evidence that you are right. So many of you are waiting for evidence first before you believe that you are good or worthy or capable. My dudes. You prove your capability by doing the things and you do the things when you tell yourself that you've got this. You've got to be outside of mommy, the first person, because some of you didn't have a mommy like that. I didn't have a mommy like that. I'll be your mommy. So outside of me telling you this, you've got to be the first person that thinks you're great. Because what happens with that is when you think you're great, you go out and do great things.

It always happens that way, not the opposite, where you just don't do any of the things and somehow find out you're great later. You have to start by feeling that you're great and then greatness will come from that. The jury doesn't hold what you think it does for you, whether you're looking for self-worth or praise or validation. And why are so many of you looking to the jury to provide this, even though that's not what their job is? Well, I mean, to get a little bit kind of therapy-ish on you is because you didn't get it where you should have. You didn't get it from a parent. You didn't get it from a trusted adult. Or maybe you did, but then something happened later in life that shook your confidence. So now you go looking for it from the jury. Stop. Just stop. You are worthy right now just because you exist.

You are a pile of potential disguised in a meat suit, let's face it, and a receding hairline. And you are magnificent. You are a miracle. But even me telling you this, because I want to tell you, and you know I do tell you because I love you. It cannot substitute for you believing it about yourself. Now, I know you don't want to. I know you don't want to. I know you think that if you actually believed that you were awesome, that you would get lazy or you'd be too arrogant or all the other nonsense that I've heard over the years. But here's what I have to say. You've got to believe it and then the evidence will show up. What is the jury for? To hold bad actors through money damages. That is their job. It's not to like you or make you feel good or any of the other nonsense you most likely unwittingly have been asking them to do because here's the other problem if you use the jury inappropriately.

And that is they feel it. On some level, they get that you want something from them, not justice, but something personal. And it feels icky because it is icky. Not only have they been plucked out of their everyday lives to do this thing that they don't want to do, this job that's been kind of forced upon them. Now the attorney wants something from them too. Really? Here's the good news. Here's the good news. Very, very good news. Once you stop, once you start giving yourself those good vibes, liking yourself, loving yourself, everything is going to change. I know you don't believe me right now, but I have dozens of masterminds that will tell you they didn't believe me at first and now they get it and they're now getting the results. Why? It's not because they got in here and I blew smoke up their ass, telling them they were great when they were actually shit.

But you know what? Even if I was doing that, which I wouldn't, because one of my top values is honesty and authenticity. Even that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world because if you can even take a little bit of what I'm saying, my belief in you and use that to fuel your courage, because that's what you need, not confidence. Confidence is what comes after you do the thing. You don't need confidence before you do the scary thing. You need courage to do the scary thing. Confidence comes later. But even if that, my believing in you, even if you are a shit lawyer and I don't think you are, but maybe some other entity thinks you are, if that fuels your courage so that you go out there and you start proving to yourself that you actually are the things that I believe you are, then God bless it.

Not that I do that. But once you start using the attorney, the jury appropriately, as a group of people tasked with holding bad actors accountable, you start focusing on helping them do that. You have to release this piece of, "I'm using the jury to make myself feel better." Because when I mentioned this to my clients in the last couple of weeks, it blew their fucking minds. They're like, "Oh my God, you're right. I am doing that." And the jury can feel it. If you're not getting the results that you think that you deserve or you want, or it's confusing why, I'm here to tell you that part of this could be, and most likely is, that you are using the jury inappropriately. That is not their job to help you do this. But when again, you focus on using them appropriately, that their job is to hold bad actors accountable.

And whatever they choose to do is on them and that your job is to help them to do that job, then you start to change and you start focusing on giving to the jury instead of taking from them. That's really what the H2H method is all about. People say, "You guys are attorney focused." We're jury focused. How can we be of service to this jury? Just today, I was working with a mock jury here while my H2H crew watched and everything we do is to help them. And I was telling them that what they do and their job is hard. And I know people have said, "Don't tell the jury that it's hard." It is hard. There's certain things they can't know. There are certain things they can't use in making their determination. It's nearly impossible to figure out. I was just talking about med mal cases, and you guys heard me talk about this last week with Chrissy, but I was talking about med mal cases and how jurors don't get it.

They nope out because it's like if the doctors can't even figure out, or the experts can't even figure out or agree on what the standard of care is, how can I do that? I don't have a medical degree, and they nope out. So there's so many things that are so difficult for the jury. How can we burden them with something else on top of that, which is our self-worth? It's absolutely inappropriate. So everything we do, we do for the jury. And so when you start treating them in this way and you start giving to them, instead of taking from them, you start showing up in a way that honors that very, very hard job that they have and they've never asked to do. And they start viewing you as their leader that is going to help them through it. Then and only then will the verdicts start to manifest.

So stop using the jury inappropriately. And again, I'm not going to make you wrong for that. It makes total sense, especially if you have a wound in your life that causes you to find validation outside of you. That is the human condition. Let's just be honest. It feels nice to be validated on the outside. But what I also know is that it is fleeting and giving over the power of how you feel about yourself to a group of strangers. When you look at that makes no fucking sense. They cannot be that for you because it's inappropriate, but also because it's dangerous, as I said. You have to be that for you and you are miraculous and amazing. And you are the very people that are making our communities safer. And as we say here at H2H, you guys are changing the world and we're changing the world one trial lawyer at a time.

That's what we say here on the back end. We love being in this with you, but even us, we're not all the way out there in front of that group of people. So I know it's really rich for me to say, don't use them in this way because it's hard. It's hard for the jurors. Yeah, but it's also hard for you. But what I am saying to you is start believing in yourself and separating what the jurors do or think or feel or whatever from your self-worth. You could have caught them on a bad day. You could have gotten yourself on a bad day. There's no science to this. There really isn't. They're just showing up and doing the work and getting your self-worth internally instead of handing it over to this group of people because it's not their job. And you are worthy and amazing regardless of what they decide because they get to decide this and they walk away and you most likely will never see them again.

Why on earth would you give them the power of how you feel about yourself? Let me remind you once more again that your job is to fight, not to win, and you stand on the side of the right. So stop using the jury inappropriately and I bet you anything once you start giving yourself that self-worth and separating it from what the jury does or does not do, the evidence is going to show up finally. All right. Talk to you next week.

Thank you for listening to the very end of this episode, A+. I'm going to ask you to subscribe to the podcast, whether you're one of the weirdos that like to watch it on YouTube or you just listen, make sure you hit that subscribe button. It helps the podcast grow and let other people find me y'all, but don't stop there. Be sure to leave me a five star review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. We want this podcast to reach as many ears and eyes as possible. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you next time. Bye-bye everybody.