Sari Swears Podcast: How to Actually Get What You Want This Year

This year will look EXACTLY like last year unless something deeper changes.

MOST people don’t fail because they lack discipline or ambition.

They fail because they’re chasing results instead of identity.

You don’t want the verdict.

You want the feeling you think comes with it.

And here’s the part no one wants to admit: Willpower is trash. It runs out. Every time.

In this week’s podcast, I break down:

⚡ Why goals alone don’t work
⚡ Why “doing more” keeps you stuck
⚡ Why everything shifts when you decide who you are first

If you want different results this year, don’t write a longer to-do list…

Decide who the hell you are.

Then act like it.

The rest follows.

Tune in NOW! 🎧

Love,
Sari

P.S. Don't forget to check this out: jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits

➡️Listen on Spotify

➡️Listen on Apple

➡️Watch on Youtube

➡️FREE FB GROUP FOR PLAINTIFF & CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS

“We think we have to have the thing before we can do the things and then finally be the person. It has never worked that way. You decide who you are first. Then you do the things. Then you get the results.”
sari de la motte

Transcription

Most of the things that we want, I would say nearly everything that we want. We are chasing a feeling, meaning we think once we have that thing, we're going to feel a certain way. So what we're really doing is chasing feelings. You don't really want the eight figure verdict, not deep down. Yes, I know you do, and I want it for you. Don't get me wrong. But what you really want is what you think you're going to feel outside of what it'll do for your client, I mean for you, what you think you're going to feel once you have it. You're listening to Sari Swear on the Sari Swears podcast.

Well, happy new year and welcome to another episode of the Sari Swears podcast. I'm here in the new year with a new haircut and I've already been told that it looks great. So glad for that. Hopefully, you are still at home and not back at work yet. We're not back at work technically till Monday. So hopefully, you have the same type of boss that I am because I'm an amazing boss, at least I hope I am, and have given and always have given my employees two weeks off at the end of the year. Ain't nobody getting work done the last two weeks of the year anyway. Plus, I want them to enjoy the holidays. So hopefully, you have the same type of boss and are also enjoying the holiday and listening to my podcast episode on talking about what it really takes to get what you want this year.

So let's talk about that. Around this time of year, and I'm one of those people that does the same thing. That's all y'all do. There's something about, if you guys haven't read, I think it's Daniel Pink, but the book When, and it's all about the timing of things. Basically, never get a colonoscopy later in the afternoon. Okay. That's my preview of that book. But he talks about the importance of timing and how we tend to start new diets at the beginning of the month or we start on Monday or we start them at the beginning of the year or whatever it is. And there's the psychological reason for that. And, of course, I've forgotten what he says because it was years ago when I read the book. But the point is, is that there's something that we feel is special about the beginning of the month, beginning of the week, the beginning of the year to do change in our lives when any given Tuesday would probably work just the same.

Now, that's not what today's podcast is about, but the fact that it is the beginning of the year and so many of you are wanting change in your life, I almost always take the opportunity in eight seasons. Can you believe that? Eight seasons from... I was going to say from Hostage to Hero, but it's now Sari Swears. Eight seasons of the podcast, by the way. It's kind of amazing. So I'm going to take this opportunity knowing that so many of us do want to create change in our lives. And by the way, I do think that we are too focused in society on always achieving and being the best version and all of the things that hustle culture. That said, I do want to temper this with one of my top values, for example, is growth. And I do believe that there is a healthy way to look at growing as a person versus always trying to improve because you somehow believe that you are deficient.

Now, if you've been listening to the podcast for any length of time, I think that you know by now that I don't think you're deficient. In fact, I believe that you believe or you should believe or you need to believe that you are amazing in order to get all the things you want in life, which is what we're going to talk about today a little bit. So you're not deficient. And just want to preface before we get into this, that we're not doing this episode today because I think that you are deficient in some way and need to always be improving. I believe in growth, and that's why we're doing today's podcast. And I also know that so many of you want things to be different in your lives, primarily with overwhelm or health or all of the things. So let's talk about what it really, really takes and how we tend to usually do it.

So around this time of year, most of us will make new year's resolutions. I tend to think about my previous year. In fact, we just had a call in the H2H Playground about completing your year. I think it's really important to complete anything that you're in before starting a new thing. And I was just at my hairdresser the other day and she was talking about how the year 2025 is all about wrapping things up in numerology. I don't know anything about numerology, but 2026 is all about new beginnings. And I thought that was interesting. So in any case, I do believe we need to complete. So I tend to think about my year and how it went and all the things that I did achieve or grow in and the lessons learned. And then, I think about what I want to achieve or learn or grow this year.

So what I'm going to suggest today is that many of us, including myself, are going about this the wrong way, meaning we tend to decide, here are all the things that I want to be different this year. And then, most of us, that's we're dense. We're like, "That's what I want to be, want things to be different." For the next spade of us, then we say, "Okay, well, here's all the things that I need to do in order to create those changes." So for example, if I want to weigh less in 2026, then I need to do these things. We write all these goals, SMART goals. They must be senile. No, I don't think that's what the S stands for, smart. I think the S is smart and it's also an acronym. That's kind of lazy. Anyway, we make all these goals, all these things that we need to do to achieve the goal.

And then, come January 21st, we're no longer doing the things. And that's what I want to talk about today because we are missing an essential ingredient to change. And I happen to be backed up with some good evidence. And I'm going to share that with you because you know I like to bring you those things. So I have talked before about this, and I talk about this a lot in person here and with my coaching clients, and I don't even know where this comes from. It just dropped in my brain from the ether. I know I didn't create it. So if you guys know who first came up with this model, please let me know. I want to give them the credit where credit is due. But I often teach what I call the be, do, have model. So we tend to think that it works bottom up, meaning we have to have the things in order to be able to do the cool other things, and then we will be the person that we want to be.

So for trial attorneys, I've often used the example of we tend to think we need to have the eight figure verdict before we can do the cool trial lawyer shit, and then we will be an eight figure lawyer and be all the things that we think comes with that. And what I teach my clients is that it never works that way. It has never worked that way. It will never work that way. In fact, we know that it always works the other way. You have to decide who you are, that's the being part, and then do the things that that kind of person does, and then you will have the results. That is the only way that it works. Now, if we take a look at this model in terms of what we usually do, we spend a lot of time, especially in that week between Christmas and New Years where you're just like bloated, you don't know what day it is and you're full of cheese.

There's a great meme that I saw, so I'm stealing that too, with that. But we start thinking about all the great things that we would like to have, especially when we're putting together our list for 2026 or our goals, right? Eight figure verdicts, good health, time off, less cases, better trial skills, a brand new car, whatever it may be. And then, we create a list of all of the things we need to do to get there. But what I want to point out is that we are skipping the being part and that is the part that trips us up every single time, meaning we look for things we want to have and then we think, what do I have to do to have those things? And somehow we still end up not with the things, and that's because the being part is missing.

Most of the things that we want, I would say nearly everything that we want, we are chasing a feeling, meaning we think once we have that thing, we're going to feel a certain way. If you're a longtime listener, you've probably heard me say practice makes progress and what better way to practice than with a fellow group of trial attorneys in person and with me. Our two-day command, the courtroom masterclass sessions put the H2H method into action and I'm there every step of the way with live coaching and feedback and finish mama fierceness. Here's what Kent had to say about our masterclass.

Kent:

Out of every program I've been to, I've taken good points away, but out of this program, everything I've learned has been new and has been something I can implement on day one into my practice and into my next trial. And I feel a greater comfort than I've ever felt before walking into a courtroom and getting to speak with my friends in the voir dire panel.

Now, seats are limited. These are small group, high impact courtroom sessions, not an auditorium full of board attorneys and dull lectures. If you want to change the way you go to trial and turn your practice into progress, visit sariswears.com/masterclass to register for a 2026 class today. That's sariswears.com/masterclass. So what we're really doing is chasing feelings. You don't really want the eight figure verdict, not deep down. Yes, I know you do, and I want it for you, don't get me wrong, but what you really want is what you think you're going to feel, outside of what it'll do for your client, I mean for you, what you think you're going to feel once you have it, right? So the part that's missing is the being part. And I think the part where we get really stuck is that it doesn't feel real when we decide, "Well, but this is who I am." So right now, we're kind of getting into that affirmations' territory.

Well, if I just tell myself I'm a healthy person every single day, then I guess I'll be a healthy person. Is that how it works? No, no, no, no. So let's talk through this. I do believe, and research that I'm going to show you in just a minute, is going to back me up on this, that you have to incorporate the being piece. You can decide ahead of time what it is that you want, but then you have to become that person. So for example, if you do not want to work evenings and weekends, then you need to become the type of person that doesn't work evenings and weekends. You might say, "Well, how do you do that?" Well, there's your to-do list, right? Part of that is you need to stop doing a bunch of shit. If I were to tell you that you could only work 9:00 to 5:00, five days a week, or otherwise, I would come over to your house and burn the soles of your feet off.

I have no idea how I came up with that one, but there it is. You would figure out a way, and it would get really clear, real fast, what you should be spending your time on and what you should be delegating, what you should be deleting. But the point is, you need to create an identity. It's not just so much writing on your list. I'm going to leave the office at 5:00 every day and I'm not going to get there till 9:00 because one weekend and you have all this stuff pouring in, you're going to be there till 7:00 at night and you're going to say, "See, it doesn't work just to say." It doesn't. I agree with you. You need to create the identity of someone who doesn't work evenings and weekends. Do you want to have good health? You have to have the identity of a healthy person and then you will do the things a healthy person does.

Same thing. If you have the identity of a person who does not work evenings and weekends, then from that flows the doing piece. This is what Kevin and I always talk about when we're talking in coaching is that doing always flows from being. Doing on its own takes, not the word motivation, willpower. If you've read any of the literature on willpower, willpower is a finite resource, meaning once we're out of it, we're out of it. This is why most of us give up on our goals and the things that we say on January 1st, or as I think today's January 3rd, right? So we give up on them because we've run out of willpower. We haven't created an identity. Do you want to have an eight figure verdict, decide that you are an eight figure lawyer and then do the things that an eight figure lawyer does, like invest in themselves, take risks, trusting their instincts, so on and so forth.

Do you want to have more time with your family? Declare that you're the type of person that takes a vacation every year, that's home by five every day. The job is the booking of the vacation. Doing this is leaving work at 5:00, but it's the identity piece that is so, so huge when it comes to changing things in our lives. So let's look at the research. One of the best books on change, and particularly change in habits is James Clear. If you haven't read Atomic Habits, you must get Atomic Habits. And he talks about, guess what? Identity based habits. And he talks about identity, processes, and outcomes. Guess what that is? Be, do, have. And I went to him after I had outlined what I was going to talk about today and recognized that his three things are exactly the be, do, have model.

He says that all of our current behaviors are a reflection of our current identity. Let me say that again. All of our current behaviors, our reflection of our current identity, as my therapist always says, we never do anything that doesn't work. We're always getting something out of what we're doing. Even if later we're like, "Why did I eat that? I'm so fat." Whatever. We always get some benefit or we wouldn't do it. Now, he says you have to create a new identity. And he also says, as I have said earlier, what, five minutes ago, that it's not just about affirmations or repeating it to yourself. You have to prove it to yourself first. Now, here's where the doing piece comes in and they do work in tandem for sure. After you decide who you are, that's the identity piece, you then start doing small things to prove it to yourself because this is the other place where we go wrong, right?

We start to think, "Well, I want to make this change." And I'm so guilty of this. We think, "Okay, but I'm going to be a different person altogether on Monday and I'm going to work out two hours every day and only eat salads and all of the things." It just doesn't work that way. Changing your identity is not an easy thing. It's something that you have to prove to yourself with small wins. So if you decide that you are a healthy person, then prove it to yourself by doing 20 minutes of some kind of exercise three days a week. And once that is taken hold, then you decide you are a healthy eater and prove that to yourself by switching out fries for a salad every time that option is offered. The point is that we focus on the having piece and then we go right to the doing piece, but there's a piece before that which says you need to decide who you are.

This is like when I tell you that you need to decide that you're amazing right now without any evidence of the fact, although I think there's plenty of evidence, but I mean, your kind of evidence, the I don't have the eight figure verdicts or I don't even have any verdicts or I don't have big enough, whatever it may be, you don't think you have the evidence. I don't think you need any evidence, but I think there is plenty there to be found. But I tell you over and over again, you need to decide that you are amazing because, not because I'm trying to make you feel good, but because I know that when you decide who you are, then you will do the things that amazing lawyers do and then you will have the results that amazing lawyers have. You will live into it, but if you're always at the bottom trying to get the result to prove to yourself that you are amazing, you'll keep chasing and chasing and chasing and chasing it.

Look, all of my masterminds, I tell them from the beginning, you start amazing. That's where we begin and you're going to live into that. Now, that doesn't mean they go and win an eight figure verdict the next month. They're proving that to themselves over the months that we worked together for that year in small wins. And by the time they get to the end of the year, they believe that they are amazing. And guess what? Within sometimes months, they do have the result that they were looking for, but it all starts with deciding who you are. You have to create identity-based habits. And guess what? You are the only one that gets to decide who you are. If you have results that you don't like or you don't have the results that you want, it's only because you haven't decided ahead of time who the fuck you are.

I'm wearing this necklace that says, "Remember who the fuck you are on it." And that is not somebody telling me who I am and I need to remember. I get to decide who I am, whether that's an amazing trial consultant or teacher or healthy person or whatever maybe, a good boss. The more that we reinforce the identity of whatever the thing is we want to become or have, the more we will do things in line with that person, with that identity, because all of our current behaviors, as he says, are a reflection of our current identity, and then we will have the results that we want. You want different results, you have to create a different identity. And how do you start believing in that identity once you choose it? You prove it to yourself in small wins. I'll end with this quote.

"If you're looking to make a change, then I say, stop..." This is from James Clear. "Stop worrying about results and start worrying about your identity. Become the type of person who can achieve the things you want to achieve." We're all about helping you become who you really want to be. Not what anybody else wants you to be, what you want to be, and I can't wait to see what we create together in 2026. Happy New Year, my friends. Let's have a wonderful, amazing, big, juicy year. Talk soon.

Ever wish you had a place to practice your trial skills and connect with other lawyers who get it and connect with me? Grab your seat in the H2H Playground. It's where you get a real coaching community and strategies to actually grow your practice. Head to sariswears.com/play and get enrolled. Until next time.