Welcome to the very first episode of Sari Swears — the podcast that FINALLY sounds like me, looks like me, and says the things I’ve ALWAYS wanted to say without editing myself down to fit in a box.
We ditched the old name.
Rebuilt the studio.
And YES — there’s a theme song now that SLAPS.
This episode is the start of something completely new.
🚫 NO more staying in my lane.
🚫 NO more “shoulds.”
🚫 NO more tone-policing myself so people don’t get uncomfortable.
And if you’ve been doing the same — shrinking to fit, waiting to be “ready,” pretending not to be the badass you actually are — then this is YOUR episode too.
Tune in NOW! 🎧
Love,
Sari 💖
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"I don't stay in my lane—and neither should you. Because guess what? There are no lanes. It's all made up. The rules, the expectations, the labels—they were never yours to begin with. So why the hell are you still playing by them?"
Sari de la motte
TRANSCRIPTION
Well, welcome, everybody, to a brand new episode and a brand new podcast called Sari Swears. That's right. We're no longer called From Hostage to Hero, and the reason for that is that nobody says from hostage to hero. It's the name of my book, yes, but y'all came up with H2H years ago, which I loved. I don't know how I never thought of H2H. But when we're thinking about rebranding the podcast, H2H wasn't the greatest name. So we went with Sari Swears, which I think is much better suited to my personality. I hope you agree, and we have a brand new look. Hopefully you love the brand new cover for the podcast.
My most favorite thing is we have a brand new song, I Don't Stay in My Lane. We're actually going to put the link for the song in the show notes, because it's a banger, y'all. You're going to want to go and listen to it in its entirety. I love that song. So hopefully, you love it as much as we do, and we're in our brand new podcast studio, which is super cool. I'm in here, this soundproof room with three high-tech cameras that are remote-controlled in another room by Kevin.
Very unusual not to have him in the room with me cracking up at my jokes. I'm in here by myself. He's on another side of the wall. But we're very excited about all the brand new things, and apparently, and this is news to me, people watch podcasts now. So if you want to go and watch the podcast to see what cool new thing I'm wearing or what earrings I might have on for this episode, you can go over to YouTube.com/@, the little @ symbol, saridlm, @saridlm, like de la Motte. That's our YouTube channel where you can watch these podcasts.
Upcoming in this season of Sari Swears, our trial debriefs that are going to blow you the fuck away. We have a nine figure verdict tried without defense counsel present. That's right. You heard me correctly. Defense counsel didn't even bother showing up, I didn't even know that was a thing, to this trial, nursing home case, nine figure verdict. We're going to bring that to you. We also have special guests, as usual, and, of course, my trial tips, skills, advice of how to navigate the mindfuck that is trial lawyering.
So what took me away for so long? I know many of you are following my cancer journey, and I hope I didn't scare you. I know I said I'd be gone for three months. It ended up being nine months. Know it had nothing to do with my health. In fact, I had my four year cancerversary this past June, and when I hit five, I'm pretty much completely out of the woods. So yay for me. So it wasn't that. It was that we were building the brand new H2HQ, the H2H Headquarters here in beautiful Lake Oswego, Oregon.
We are set on the river. We see the river right outside our windows. There's a walking path. There's a park, and the most exciting part about this as in addition to our offices at H2HQ, we also have a brand new mock courtroom set with four remote cameras, a full jury box, a judge's bench, witness box, counsel tables, gallery, the whole thing. In fact, we're going to have a virtual walkthrough on our website, so be on the lookout for that, that you can take a tour.
Some of our coaches were actually at Sach Oliver's place when this was all happening, and I was like, "Is my courtroom bigger than his?" They were like, "Yes," and I was like, "That's good, because size matters." Right? Size matters. No. It does not, but yes. It is bigger. Sorry, Sach. Great book, by the way, Sach. Love your book.
Okay. So that's what's been going on over here, and it's called the Mary Kogen Memorial Courtroom. You might be wondering, "Well, who the fuck is Mary Kogen?" Mary Kogen was my NAM, my new age mom. She died in 2022, and if you want to listen to my episode about her called Who Can Say if I've Been Changed for the Better, episode 171, you can go back and listen to that. But Mary Kogen, who I named the courtroom after, was more than just my new age mom. She was my mentor, and she had this saying that she always said anytime I got upset, which was, "And what did you learn?"
I hated her for that sometimes, but there's a big picture of her in our brand new courtroom with that on the plaque, says, "And what did you learn?" Because there's so much learning happening here in the brand new courtroom. In fact, if you haven't heard already, our brand, in-person, new two-day master classes called Command the Courtroom have been amazeballs. We've already done three of them. They've all sold out like hotcakes, and our brand new Command the Courtroom Damages is going to be happening October, I believe, 9th and 10th, yes, October 9th and 10th.
You can go to sariswears/damages and grab one of the 12 seats, because they are going to go fast. In fact, I think we will have already sent out our first emails about that master class, two days of learning how to talk about damages in both voir dire and opening, before this episode lands. So apologies if all the seats are already gone, but people have been asking for that. And so come out here to the mock courtroom, and spend two days with me and Coach K. We're going to be talking about how to talk about damages in trial. So that's been happening.
The crew has been open this whole year. We are going to go back to closing it real soon. So if you want to get in the crew, you go to sariswears.com/play, and if you want to stay up to date with all of the things that are happening in the H2H universe, because lots of stuff is happening all the time, you can now go and sign up. You can choose which things you want to hear about. Maybe you don't want to hear about the podcast, but you want to hear about something else. Go to H2H ... I'm sorry. Go to sariswears.com/h2hshit. So that's where you're going to hear about all the H2H shit, sariswears.com/h2hshit. That's hard to say, but hopefully, you'll remember.
All right. So let's talk about how I don't stay in my own lane, and I don't think that you should either. It's our brand new song for our brand new podcast, and let's talk about, first, what does that mean, I don't stay in my lane, or the meaning of staying in your lane. Right? So for me, what that means is a box that's been created for you or me by someone else that says, "Here's where you should remain. This is where I will feel comfortable if you stay in." It's something that's created for you, not by you.
So for women, for example, we're always being told to stay in our own lane by being told not to be too loud, or not to swear, or to be thin, or whatever it may be. This is even more pronounced for women working in a male-dominated field. For example, I swear. I have tattoos. I'm overweight. I have short hair. I wear crazy clothes. I do not stay in my lane in this industry that is trial lawyering. Now, here is why this is important. I am successful not in spite of not staying in my lane, but because I don't stay in my lane.
Because my "lane," quote-unquote, so if you're watching on YouTube, you can see my quotes, is a misnomer. It connotes ownership. Nearly every time someone says, "Stay your lane," what they're actually saying is, "Stay in the box that makes me most comfortable, that doesn't challenge me or make me have to question myself, or society, or the rules," and yeah. I'm not going to let someone else tell what lane is mine, and that's because I don't actually believe in lanes. Right? Fast lane, slow lane, weaving in and out, I don't believe in lanes in general.
When we internalize this message of what lane we should stay in, whether that's as a woman, or as a person of color, or what it means to be a, quote-unquote, "trial lawyer," we limit ourselves. I mean, sure, we're more comfortable when we stay in the lane that, again, someone else has told us is the right lane, but rarely are we fulfilled. Rarely are we fulfilled when we stay in the lane that someone else has deemed the right lane for us. Right? I use this analogy or this visual when I'm doing trainings. I've used it actually several times since we've started the Command the Courtroom master classes, and it's this box that I use to talk about authenticity.
So oftentimes, when you are learning a new skill, for example, so you come out here, and I'm telling you how to hold your arms, or how to walk in the courtroom, or all the things, right, and it feels unnatural, and it feels weird, because you haven't done it before, the feedback that I often get or the chatter that I get from y'all is, "Well, this feels inauthentic," when, in fact, what you're saying is that, "This feels uncomfortable." I know I've talked about that in previous podcasts, about the difference between feeling uncomfortable and something being inauthentic.
But the way that I talk about it now in these trainings is I draw a box, and I say, "Okay. I want you to imagine that this box is you, right, and all the things that you're comfortable with." The point that I'm asking is not for you to go outside the box, right, by the skill that I'm teaching or this thing that I am doing or having you do. The point is to grow the box. Right? The more you grow in your skills as a trial attorney, the more authentic you become. It's not, "Go and do this thing that feels authentic, that's outside of the box or outside your lane." It's, "Grow yourself so that you become bigger."
That's my point in today's podcast, is I don't stay in my lane, because there are no lanes. It's all made up, and here's what I want you to hear from me today. I'm going to invite you to stop limiting yourself by playing along with the rules someone else made up to keep you in line, even, and I would say especially, if that someone is you. Right? For example, maybe you only want to take birth injury cases, because that's what floats your boat. But somehow, in your brain, that doesn't make sense on paper. I'm going to invite you to do that, even if it doesn't make sense on paper. If that's what's calling your name, that's what I want you to do.
Maybe you say no to that job offer even though it pays more, because you want to keep working for yourself. Again, maybe it doesn't make sense, but I invite you to do that. Or maybe you want to become a trial consultant, even though you have two degrees in music and no legal training. Oh. Wait. That's me. Right? I don't stay in my lane, and neither should you. That's what I want you to take from today's episode, this brand new episode of, Sari Swears, because that's what I'm going to be teaching you primarily this season of Sari Swears. There are no lanes. That's why I don't stay in one, because it's all made up.
You get to decide what makes sense for you and your life. You get to decide how you want to live in this world, in this trial lawyer world, where there seems to be lots of boxes or lanes that you are put in, female, person of color. Even my Joes, my avatar, my older white men, and I love you, even y'all are being putting in lanes. Right? You got to have that eight-figure verdict. You got to have all the things to actually have the reputation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Listen, this season of Sari Swears, we're going to learn how to not stay in our lanes, because we're going to blast that whole concept out into the stratosphere. There are no lanes. I don't stay in my lane, and neither should you. I am so excited to be back. I'll talk to you next week.
Ever wish you had a place to practice your trial skills, and connect with other lawyers who get it, and connect with me? Grab your seat in the H2H Playground. It's where you get real coaching, community, and strategies to actually grow your practice. Head to sariswears.com/play, and get enrolled. Until next time.
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