FHTH Ep 244 - How to Stop Feeling Like You're Not Good Enough

If you struggle with constantly feeling like you’re not “good enough”, this episode is for YOU, my friend.

Today, we are talking about how ABSURD it really is for us humans to relentlessly keep striving to be “enough”.

So, if you're ready to embrace your imperfections, laugh in the face of doubt, and rewrite the rules on what it means to be "enough”, tune in now.

Xo,
Sari

➡️Listen on Spotify

➡️Listen on Apple

➡️Listen on YouTube

➡️FREE FB GROUP FOR PLAINTIFF & CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS

“It's like the concept of over-preparing. It's this thing where we're like, "I want to be 100% prepared." That's not a measurable thing. It's not something that we can say, "Okay, now you're enough." How do we decide what that is? Fuck enough. Here's what you're really saying, "I don't know what I'm doing." That's what you mean when you say, "I'm not enough." And here, my darling, is the answer to that, no one does. No one knows what the fuck they're doing. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Literally, no one knows what the fuck they're doing.”
sari de la motte

EPISODE 244 TRANSCRIPTION

Well, welcome everyone to another episode. Sari de la Motte here with you today. And before we get started, I just wanted to let you know that if you aren't getting my Love Notes, you can get on that email list. Now, what do I mean by Love Notes? Well, a year, maybe two ago, my marketing team suggested that I send my clients, and even those of you who've never bought anything from me, my fans, let's put it that way, a little something to brighten your day on Thursdays.

It's nothing that I'm selling. It's nothing that I'm informing you about. Sometimes we talk about zombies and other times we talk about what's in your fridge. And when they first told me that I should do this, I was like, "Why?! My fans already have so many emails, hundreds and hundreds of emails." And they said, "Well, that's why we want you to do it, because they need some Sari love in their inbox every Thursday." And so the first one I ever sent got a ton of responses back about how much you loved it.

And when I took some time off this last fall from doing them, you told me how much you missed them. So they're back. They're every Thursday. And if you want to get them, you can go to sariswears.com. Scroll down to the bottom, there's a little place to put your name and email. Again, we kind of call them Love Notes informally. That's not what it says at the bottom of the website. But if you want to hear from me once a week about weird, stupid things that we will talk about, it's kind of a fun little thing.

Today we're talking about the struggle you face with feeling that you're not "enough", and how to stop. This came up because in our H2H Playground, we have a call that Coach K does every month called, Unfck Your Brain. And there's a different topic every month, Unfck Your Brain: Preparation or Unfck Your Brain: Calendar. And this month was Unfck Your Brain: I Am Not Enough. And so I started thinking about this word, enough, and you know I looked it up. In fact, I didn't look it up in terms of definition. Today, I used thesaurus. That's a hard word to say, thesaurus. So here are some of the

synonyms for the word enough: sufficient, adequate, satisfactory.

Now, I want you to think of something that you really love. Not a person, but like an object, a thing, or something you like to do. So for me, it's taking baths, and I take a bath every night. And I take a really steaming, hot bath, so I'm not in there very long. It's probably horrible for my skin, but I love taking baths.

It's not even to clean myself because I take a shower in the morning. It's a relaxation thing. I do it every night. And so when I think about a sufficient or an adequate amount of water, I think it's barely covering my legs. The top part of my body, because I sit up in the bath, is not covered. That would be inadequate or enough amount of water. But now, I want you to think about the word plenty. I looked up the

synonyms for plenty: wealth, feast, abundance, fruitful.

And now think about that thing that you love, whether it's baths or anything else, maybe it's spaghetti, like my husband, Kevin who literally does not know how to stop eating it. And it's his own creation, because I agree, his spaghetti sauce is amazing. But he almost always is just rolling in pain afterwards because he cannot stop eating the spaghetti. Okay, so imagine you had plenty of spaghetti, Kevin. A wealth of spaghetti. He's laughing behind the camera. An abundance of spaghetti, or bath water, or whatever it is.

Now, how much do you have? Well, if it's bath water, it's overflowing in my mind. And for Kevin, that's probably 10,000 bowls versus the 9,999 that he normally eats. So here's what I had to say about the word "enough" and this concept of you are not enough...

I'm here to tell you that you are not enough. You will never be enough because enough isn't enough.

We're done with enough. All right? From this moment forward, we're not using that because enough is not enough. Let me give you an example.

I no longer coach in six month packages, but all of our other coaches do here at H2H. And what has happened over and over and over again is normally a person will come to coaching because they have an issue. They have something that they want to work out, or they've heard me talk about it and they just don't feel like their life is really where they want it to be. And they'll start coaching with one of our coaches. And they'll hit the six-month mark, which is time to re-up for the next package, and so many times they'll say, "I've had enough. I feel fine. I'm good."

And my question is, why are we using enough as the measurement?

Because what happens is, what they've done is they've come from not liking their life back to kind of neutral, and then that's where they stop. They don't push through until one of our coaches talks to them about this because this happens in so many coaching scenarios. It's a known thing. Until a coach talks to them and says, enough is not enough. Fine is not enough. That's not the point of coaching, to get you back to neutral. There's a whole other world out here that we can explore, but we don't want to stop at enough.

I mean, is enough what we're striving for? Really?

I mean, for me, hell to the fuck no. That's not what we're doing. I don't know about you, but I do not want to be enough. I am choosing to be radiant, funny, a learner, fiercely loving, bold, authentic, loyal, crazy in a good way, and a hell of a lot of other things, but I am damn well not enough, nor would I ever want to be. Why would I when there are so many things that are so much more fun to be?

Enough is the end of things.

People shout it in arguments, right? Enough! Or we say it after we've eaten, "I've had enough," or waiters come over with that pepper grinder and they're like, "Say enough," when we've had enough pepper on our salads.

I'm not striving for something that means the end of things, because I'm just at the beginning and so are you.

I want to strive for fulfillment and my fulfillment is growing and learning and loving. And I know what you're saying. You're thinking, "But Sari, you know what I mean when I say I am not enough."

Yes, I know what you mean. Do you? That's the point of today's podcast. What I'm trying to tell you is

Enough is limiting.

Enough is different, for example, depending on who we're talking about. Someone may have enough spaghetti, me, where that is not enough for Kevin. It really actually is enough. He should stop eating, but you know what I'm saying. Someone wants a little bit of pepper on their salad and that's enough, and someone else wants a shit ton, like, just dump it all out on the salad.

It's not a measurable thing. It's like the concept of over preparing. It's this thing where we're like, "I want to be 100% prepared." That's not a measurable thing. It's not something that we can say, "Okay, now you're enough." How do we decide what that is? Fuck enough. Here's what you're really saying, "I don't know what I'm doing." That's what you say. That's what you mean when you say, "I'm not enough." And here, my darling, darling, is the answer to that, no one does. No one knows what the fuck they're doing.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Literally, no one knows what the fuck they're doing. What you're really saying is, "I can't get everything done." Here's the truth, no one can get everything done. It's a measurement that none of us can ever meet. What you're really saying is, "I'm afraid I'll lose." So does everyone. So does everyone. These things are the human condition. They have nothing to do with being enough.

So, you are not enough. And thank God, because enough is boring as fuck. Be you, warts and all, because that shit is exceptional.

Talk to you next week.

Have you ever wished that you knew what the jury was thinking? Well, grab a pen and paper because I'm about to give you instant access to a free training I created for plaintiff trial attorneys called Three Powerful Strategies to Help You Read a Juror's Mind. It's going to help you to understand what the jury is thinking, so you'll feel confident to trust them and yourself in the courtroom.

Ready for the address? Go to sariswears.com/jury. Enjoy.