What's YOUR dream?
For ME, my dream is to change the way law is practiced. And I'm doing it. But I'm not doing it ALONE. The H2H Crew, my rock through surviving cancer (You know who you are, and I love you! ????), has proven that I don't have to do things alone.
And together, we are changing the game for lawyers across America – from how voir dire is practiced to how lawyers are living their day-to-day lives. It’s fucking incredible, really.
If anyone deserves to chase their dreams, it's YOU. The saboteur can throw all the arguments it wants, but YOU get to have whatever the hell you want.
So push through, chase your dreams, and discover your true meaning of fulfillment.
And I’m here to guide you, every step of the way. I swear.
Xo,
Sari
“If you're a trial lawyer, it's a fucking sacrifice. You are fucking sacrificing more than a lot of people in this world to do the job that you do. You are the healers. You're going to save the world. I firmly believe it. So if you are not allowed to chase your dream, then who the fuck is? You are literally keeping the rest of us safe. You're the only thing between us and corporate greed. You are the last resistance. I believe it wholeheartedly. This isn't something I'm just trying to make you feel good about yourself. That is what you do. And I, for one, want you to be happy and fulfilled and doing all of the amazing stuff because you worked for it, and you sacrifice so much for the rest of us.”
sari de la motte
EPISODE 238 TRANSCRIPTION
Well, welcome everybody. Today, we're talking about how it's okay to want more, truly. When I was going to sit down and podcast, I asked my coaches in the H2H Crew, "Hey, what should I podcast on this week?" And it was a very interesting discussion because many of them came and posted and said, "You know what? You need to post on this concept of it's okay to want more." And I thought, "Well, what does that mean, it's okay to want more?" And one of our coaches said, "It's a theme with my clients where we feel like we should just be okay with being attorneys only."
Her clients want to do more, but they feel guilty at not being content with what they have. And on paper, being a lawyer is good. The salary is good. You have this credibility and all these things.
You should all be happy and stop trying to change the status quo. And yet, we want more, and we feel guilty about it. So I want to talk about that today, about how it's okay to want more. And again, remind you, if you don't remember, that the scariest question that any of us coaches could ask you and have asked our clients many times is,
"What's your dream?"
Because the minute that we ask that question, a couple of things happen. I mean, two things happen when we coaches get all up in your beeswax about talking about dreams and shit, right? One, and the reason why it's scary, is you're like, "I can't have that because of X and Y and Z. That's not even possible, so why would you even ask me that?" I think that's a big one.
And the second one is, because then we don't let you stay there. We're like, "Of course you can have that. You can have whatever you want. What are you going to do with this big beautiful life?", is, "Oh my God, maybe I can have that." And then, welcome the saboteur. Because the minute you're like, "Well, maybe I can," shit's got to change. And that's really the issue. It's not so much that you really think you can't have it. I mean, I think that's kind of like the scab that covers the wound. Gross. I'm going to barf. But you know what I mean? It's like the covering. It's like, well, I can't have that. So we then move on, right? It would be nice if I could do this, but I can't, so next. We never go deeper. But when we go deeper into the wound, okay, I'm grossing myself out. But when we go deeper, now we find that what we're really scared of is not that we can't have it, but that we can.
And what the hell does that mean? So, there are a couple of messages that I was talking to my coaches about, and thinking on my own before I started podcasting today. We have that show up once we are willing to then go deeper into this and think about it. Like, okay, what would it really look like if I really went after this? If I really went and I lived the dream that my coach thinks I can have, that Sari keeps telling me I can have, what would that mean? One of the things that comes up for me, my clients, and for the clients of the coaches that were helping me out with this podcast idea was, well, my dream requires help. And immediately behind that thought is, but you have to do it alone. It's these two competing things. It's like, I know that to do this thing and to have this life and to make this huge leap is going to require that I not do it alone.
You hear me talk about it all the time. I'm going to change the way law is practiced. I'm doing it. It's happening actually right now. We are literally changing not just how lawyers across America are living their day-to-day lives. I mean, so many of you were telling me, "I don't work weekends anymore. I leave the office at 5:00. I take Friday afternoons off. I have more hobbies, I have more things that I love to do." So we're not only doing that, but we're changing the way voir dire is practiced or done in a lot of states, or even if you can have voir dire. We're pushing the envelope, we're making change. I can't do that by myself. So lots of dreams, most dreams require help, require that you band together with other people.
And yet, there's this huge message out there, particularly with lawyers, but I think across the board, that asking for help is not a cool thing to do, that you should be able to do it alone, that it doesn't mean as much if you don't do it alone, and all of the things. And I'm here to tell you that you can't do it alone. I mean, you probably could do a lot of things alone. I guess what I'm saying is you don't have to do it alone.
If anything, the H2H Crew has shown me, and I'm telling you, that crew, I credit them with getting through cancer. They were there for me. If you're listening to this and you're my crew, I love you. You know who you are. And we do so much great stuff together that none of us could do individually. You do not have to do it alone. It is not a sign of weakness to have a dream and then ask people to help you realize it.
Because I think that goes to the next thing, which is there's this sense of selfishness. Well, I have this dream, but how dare I ask people to help me with my dream. That's a selfish thing. And that's not true either. Because the more we can help each other achieve all of our dreams, the better world we're making for everybody. That is not a small thing. That is everything. I firmly believe it is your duty to find your fulfillment and put absolutely everything you've got behind that. That is not a thing I hope you do. That's not a thing that would be nice for you to do. That is something your duty is to do that, because happy, fulfilled people are going to make a better world.
When we have miserable people running shit, we have a miserable world, the end. It is your duty. So it is not selfish, but that comes up with another thing that I think a lot of you feel when you think about that you want more,. But this comes up, which is, "I should be content with being a lawyer. I mean, being a lawyer is a privilege. It's credibility and money and all the things that people think being a lawyer is. And why isn't that enough?" And my question is, that shit's hard. Maybe I'm missing something, but how is it a privilege to be a lawyer? You worked for that shit. You worked for that shit. It's hard.
And if anything, it's not a privilege. If you're a trial lawyer, it's a fucking sacrifice. You are fucking sacrificing more than a lot of people in this world to do the job that you do. You are the healers. You're going to save the world. I firmly believe it. So if you are not allowed to chase your dream, then who the fuck is? You are literally keeping the rest of us safe. You're the only thing between us and corporate greed. You are the last resistance. I believe it wholeheartedly. This isn't something I'm just trying to make you feel good about yourself. That is what you do. And I, for one, want you to be happy and fulfilled and doing all of the amazing stuff because you worked for it, one, and you sacrifice so much for the rest of us.
You go to trial and leave with nothing just so your client had someone standing up for them. That is huge. That's not nothing. That's not nothing. You deserve to be happy because here's the thing, it doesn't matter whether you should be happy or not. The question is, and I always like to use fulfillment versus happiness because not everybody can be happy all the time. It's about fulfillment.
Are you fulfilled?
That's the only thing that matters, not whether you should be or shouldn't be. My question is, are you? If the answer is no, then let's fix that. The end. There's no "should" here. It's either you are or you aren't. And if you aren't, then let's fix it. Let's get in there and let's help you live a meaningful, amazing life because what the fuck else are we here to do?
Oh, my God. It is not to have a soul-sucking job that you hate. I mean, maybe you're thinking, "Who am I to change the world?" So many of you have dreams to take down the corporations, or run for office, or leave legacies or, goddamn it, make a shit ton of money. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Or, gasp, leave the profession. And you're thinking, "Who am I to think these things?" Well, who else would be thinking these things? You get to have whatever you want. Let me say it again. You get to have whatever the fuck you want. The fact that you have a law degree and are a lawyer means you are more capable of having what you want, not less. And yet, you are viewing it as some sort of handcuff. Well, now I'm in this job. And I think a big part of this is, well, being a lawyer means X. It means working 80 hours a week. It means doing stuff I hate to do. It means all the soul-sucking work.
No, it doesn't. I can tell you that right now. There are people in H2H that are refusing to do that, and again, changing what it means to be a lawyer. You got to stop thinking that, "Well, I chose this, and so I'm stuck now." You can leave. You can do other things. You can do additional things. You can do all kinds of things. Just because you went to law school and became a lawyer and somebody out there says, "Well, this is what it is. You got to pay your dues. This is like this for 20 years and then it'll pay off later." You don't need to believe any of that shit. If you are not happy or fulfilled now, that's what we want to work on. That is your goddamn motherfucking birthright is to be happy and fulfilled in this world. That does not mean that everything's going to be great all the time.
But as I always say, life is 50/50. 50% of the time it's going to be shit, and 50 of the time it's not.
Why would I make the 50% of the time that it's not, shitty on purpose when other stuff is going to just happen, like cancer, and people dying, and all the other things? I'm going to make sure the 50% that I can control I am going to make good. I'm going to have a good life, because I know that life in general is going to bring the bad. I don't need to bring the bad myself, life will do it for me. I'm going to make sure my patch of grass is being tended to. So when the rain comes, or the scorching sun or all the things, and we do have that, that's just part of it. The rest of the time, I'm sunny and I'm grassy, and this metaphor has gone off the rails. But you get what I'm saying. You've got to dig deep. You've got to take risks.
And that's really what the saboteur is afraid of. It's coming up with all these arguments. Because the minute you realize the second thing is true, and again, the first thing is I can't have that. The second thing is the thing that's scary. Wait, maybe I can. And oh, fuck, the minute you say, "Wait, maybe I can't.", now the saboteur is all over you and it comes up with these, "Well, you're going to need to ask for help, and that's not fun." Or, "Oh, why aren't you content? Come on, you're a lawyer. That's a big deal. Why do you need more than that? Who are you to change the world?" The reason all those things are coming up is because the saboteur knows that chasing your fulfillment is one of the riskiest fucking things you are ever going to do, is going to require that you never are satisfied.
And I don't mean that in a bad way, but there's always going to be more fulfillment to chase. And I say this, and if you watching this with so much joy on my face because it is an amazing ride, but it can be scary as fuck. And the saboteur knows that, so it's going to ring up all these messages of why you really shouldn't do this, because that's what it's scared of, that you're going to have to take a risk, that you're going to have to play big, that you're going to have to step out. And I'm here to tell you that that is where life gets good. So if you're unhappy, if you are getting these messages of other things that are calling you, I kind of think of Frozen, where she keeps hearing, Frozen 2, where she's hearing that voice.
And she's like, "Stop. I'm not listening to this voice. It's going to mess up what I have here and I worked hard for what I have." But this voice keeps calling her. It's such a perfect metaphor. Go watch that movie. Listen to it. You're going to be just fine. You were meant to do big things in this world. Yes, you, listening to me right now on your walk. Yes, you listening to you right now as you're driving. I'm not talking to just some random person, I'm talking to you. You were meant to do big things. You were meant to be fulfilled. You go out there and you get it. I'm behind you 100%. And yes, it's going to be hard. And yes, your saboteur is going to be all over your shit because if you weren't doing anything risky, then the saboteur would be totally quiet. That's a good sign, my friend.
The fact that the saboteur is yelling at you means you're onto something. So push through that, go find your fulfillment, and you'll be so happy you did. I love you. Talk soon.
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